HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Stanley]

It might make economic sense Cathy. The old miners never thought that anyone would be interested in their spoil heaps but if there is money to be made......

[Stanley]

If you find you have made a mistake, admit it. You will be easier in your mind afterwards. If this tip puzzles you, read today's Shed Matters.

[Stanley]

Never underestimate the value of regular exercise. It doesn't need to be 'high intensity', that's what leads to the number of gym subscriptions that are paid but never used. The trick is to find something that is a pleasure and good exercise at the same time. That's why I am such a fan of gentle waking and deep breathing! It doen't require Lycra or 'running shoes'! On reflection that is today's tip, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde; "Avoid any enterprise which requires the purchase of Lycra garments"!

[Marilyn]

The trick is to find something that is a pleasure and good exercise at the same time.

Yeah...we do that...it's called SEX!!!!

[PanBiker]

[plaques]

An ex-police sergeant once told me he had been called to a house where a gentleman had died suddenly. He soon saw that unfortunate gent couldn't possibly have died in the position and room where he found him. Taking the very distraught lady to one side he quietly asked her what had really happened. She confessed that she and her man friend had been taking what Marilyn describes as light exercise and he had suffered a heart attack. In a panic she had dragged him into the spare room but couldn't lift him into bed.

The moral is be careful what type of 'light' exercise you do.

[PanBiker]

My neuro exercise regime is all about quality rather than quantity, the range of movement to ensure change can be quite small. Having said that: "

It doen't require Lycra or 'running shoes'! On reflection that is today's tip, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde; "Avoid any enterprise which requires the purchase of Lycra garments"!

If you are not cycling or running you have nothing to worry about but if you do engage in either of those regimes I would recommend the opposite.

[Stanley]

I saw two mature gentleman cyclists with proper bikes using the public toilets in the Pioneer car park only yesterday. Complete Lycra outfits that probably cost as much as the bikes! Not a pretty sight....
I rest my case.

[Marilyn]

The Lycra doesn't leave much to the imagination I have to say.
One guy down here wears itsy bitsy teeny weeny Lycra shorts ( and they are positively revolting). It looks like he has a hotdog stuffed down there...

[PanBiker]

[Tizer]

It looks like he has a hotdog stuffed down there...

I hope there was no mustard on it!

[Marilyn]

See...you have much colder weather than us. Things tend to droop in the heat.
(And the shorts I was talking about were like underpants. Not as flattering as the shorts you display ( over rather lovely legs!)
Our guys wear the Lycra T-shirts too, not jackets. Now they cling...

[PanBiker]

Ooh err Maz, I only had the Hi Vis waterproof on because it was windy and wet coming in to Bridlington.

[Marilyn]

We have friends that we refuse to go camping with any more, because they are full-Lycra-clad-biker-speed-demons. Extremely competitive people indeed. We just like to poodle along on our bikes in a touristy kind of way and admire the scenery...stopping now and then for a rest on a bench and enjoy the view. It seems we annoy them intensely with our sight-seeing attitude and they are constantly trying to goad us into a race.
( I can't believe they bought matching bikes and matching Lycra outfits...padded bums and all).
We had the last laugh one day when we made it to the river ferry before them and we were half way across the river when they got to the water's edge and had to wait for the next ferry. We were doing "loser" signs on our foreheads and laughing ourselves sick over that, and could see by their body language they were pretty annoyed.
Ha! Didn't they know about the hole in the hedge that saved the long ride round? They would have seen it if they had slowed down and admired the scenery.
That was the last time we went camping with them. They don't know how to relax!

[Stanley]

Maz, You are labouring under a misapprehension, it's the cold that causes shrinkage in the gentleman's furnishings.
Your outfit is fine Ian, the ones I saw yesterday left absolutely nothing to the imagination, the male equivalent of the camel toe. They also had VPL......

[Marilyn]

I said things tend to droop in the heat, Stanley...

[Cathy]

Does wearing Lycra help with the aerodynamic 's?

[PanBiker]

Yes

Top and bottom of it, Lycra is light and functional with padding where you need it. If you are only tootling around on your bike there is no problem in wearing normal clothes and hobnailed boots or clogs if you like. Add a bit of distance on a nice day, put some hills in the way and you soon feel the benefit of the right gear. I seem to remember Stanley mentioning that in his cycling days he used cleated pedals and the cycling shoes to match. I have no doubt that if the range of Lycra cycling gear was available in the 50's he would have worn that as well. It's the same as walking or any other sport, the right gear for the job in hand. Set off on the fells in winter in T shirt and flip flops and see how far you get.

[Marilyn]

Eeeeeee...apparently! But I can't see Dave and I moving any faster in special gear! We ride for fun...and poodle along to enjoy the scenery. ( he actually rides faster than me despite his triple bypass...)
Neither of us balk at distance. We can ride for hours, given occasional rests at scenic points!

[PanBiker]

That's great Maz and good that you are still doing it. How far do you go?

[Marilyn]

Depends what is around...5 or 6 km. Have done 10. Chasing our friends one day ( who have fit bits) they say we did 14 km.
Another day when we couldn't keep up, they claimed 25km...but I don't know what point we gave up and turned back. I can't tolerate the heat, so I am happy to ride on cool days. Other days it is enough to ride only as far as you can see ( say a headland or hill where you might see something,). I am truly the most uncompetitive soul you could meet.
The strange thing, I find, is that our friends are "all go" in the morning, but both take afternoon naps.
We don't wear ourselves out, so bop on all day!

[Marilyn]

I can tell you Panbiker, that on our last trip away, we did a two hour walk with our friends. Immediately afterward they wanted a game of lawn bowls - now-I enjoyed that, but the day was getting quite warm. They then wanted a game of Mini-Golf. I sat and watched that but hubby played. Then they wanted to play table tennis....and got very cross indeed that neither hubby or I wanted to play. (Come on! This is getting out of hand! )
They don't have an "off switch".

[PanBiker]

10km is just over 6 miles Maz. I reckon your climate will have a lot to do with how far you can roam. More temperate over here so even an average summer day is probably more like your winter temps. Not up to it at the moment but hope to get back to rides out when the mood and my muscles let me, maybe next Spring. Back roads and lanes around here and up into the lower dales can easily clock up 20 - 30 miles and yes I do enjoy it, but ask me again when I'm pegging up Settle Highside and you might get a different answer.

A couple of years ago I would go out sometimes three times a week on a quick 20 mile ride and when we were training to do the coast to coast ride we managed over 50 miles on a Sunday run. Nothing to the keen road cyclists who will think nothing of doing 120 miles on a round trip to the lakes and back.

Here's our effort on a very warm July day before we did the coast to coast. There were some very steep hills on this one.

[Marilyn]

Way out of my league...and way too serious for me.
You would love to go camping with our friends though!
I hope you get back to it, as it is obviously a source of great pleasure.

[Stanley]

You'll get there Ian, just a matter of time and effort and you have both!
"wearing normal clothes and hobnailed boots or clogs" there used to be a clogger on Jepp hill who made clogs for athletes. He sold them by mail order as well!