HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Big Kev]

I'd like to see a computer deal with a difficult calving on a cattle wagon.....

I think you've missed the point here
There will be a different robot, controlled by a computer, to deal with the difficult calving

[Stanley]

Ah, but could it pee into a cow's ear to make it get up?

[Tizer]

I'm sure the robot manufacturer could satisfy your requirement and even provide you with a bottle in order to provide the requisite liquid for uploading to the robot!

The company, Velodyne, that makes the sensors for the Uber driverless car says its sensors can see in the dark and would have detected the cyclist. They reckon it's a problem with Uber's computer software. Velodyne

[Stanley]

I'm not convinced at all and I'm glad I don't have to compete with a software programme controlling something that was a job I loved. The only incentive for making the change in the first place is a bean-counter deciding the investment in the technology will be cheaper or more efficient. The impact on humanity isn't in the brief. Today's tip is be very afraid of bean-counters 'improving' your world!

[Stanley]

Being an old fart, I think that nothing looks nicer than a pair of good leather shoes or boots that have evidently been well cared for over many years. There is a depth to the polish on such shoes that can't be obtained simply by occasional cleaning. I shall be attending to the shoes I will be wearing in the next couple of weeks as my social calendar fills up and I want to be well-scrubbed! The hair cut is going nicely, by the time I appear in public I will have a nice even short crop with a clean neck and sideboards! Don't laugh, these things are important when you haven't a lot to work with.....

[Stanley]

Boots loaded with polish but not buffed. The longer you leave the buffing the better, you get a better polish because the compound has hardened as it dries.

[Stanley]

That reminds me of 'bulling boots'. You've all heard the phrase 'spit and polish'. The origin of it is the method taught in the army for getting a mirror finish on the toecaps of your best boots (you were issued with two pairs of ammunition boots, one for everyday wear and one for dress occasions). You took a piece of rag, screwed one corner up into a pad on the end of your index finger and used that to put a generous coating of polish on the toecap. Then, without disturbing the pad you spit on it and rubbed the toecap gently in small circles. Spitting frequently on the pad you continued doing this until you were fad up and then lightly buffed the result with a dry clean cloth. The result was an enhanced shine, the degree of which depended on how much polish you had managed to load on to the boot. If you want to get a good polish on your dancing shoes, try it! If spitting isn't your bag, put a drop of cold water in the lid of the boot polish tin and dip your finger in that.

[Stanley]

Today's tip is to enjoy the anticipation of future treats. 6 months ago next Thursday seemed a long way away but it's only a week to the big wedding. Margaret and family arrive in Manchester today and she says she will see me this afternoon. All things come to those who wait, enjoy the anticipation!

[Stanley]

If you have a week of social engagements and this makes menu planning difficult, get small easily frozen items that can be resurrected quickly if necessary! The key is flexibility.

[Stanley]

If you are going to have a lot of visitors and you're not used to it, conserve your strength! I shall be doing a lot of sitting and reading......

[Stanley]

If you have a big week like the one I face, be extra careful and look after yourself. My back is giving a slight nag so I am looking after it. It's working, it has improved today.
The last thing you need is something to spoil the experience and Sod's Law says that this is when it will happen! So be aware!

[Stanley]

Never forget how noisy a room full of people can be...... I shall recover by sitting quietly with my book....

[Stanley]

These days I find that big social occasions can be a bit stressful largely because I have difficulty hearing when there is a high level of background noise. Getting old I suppose. So I tend to keep quiet and listen!

[Tizer]

Get yourself some NHS hearing aids and do like I do - wear them when you need them. Don't miss any conversations due to background noise or several people speaking at once. Don't be affected by background music on TV and radio. And they're free!

[Stanley]

That time could be coming Tiz!

[Julie in Norfolk]

I remember watching my dad miss conversations with his cousin who he hadn't seen for years, all because he didn't go for a hearing check (as advised by mother). I stepped in and told the cousin that dad's hearing wasn't all that good so he found a way of grabbing dad's attention. 6 months later dad was wearing a hearing aid and hearing all conversations directed at him.

I've spent years, nay decades, not hearing what Steve in Norfolk was saying and went for a hearing test myself, it turns out that Steve mumbles!

[Stanley]

I've got the kids trained to speak up when they are talking to me and normally it isn't a problem. It's the level of background noise that causes me the most trouble. I suppose I am fighting off any intimations of mortality......

[Tizer]

Don't let pride prevent you benefiting from hearing aids!

[Stanley]

Not pride, just my assessment of whether something would be a major improvement and worth the trouble. At the moment the judgement is that I am not missing out. This could change but it hasn't got to that stage yet.

[Stanley]

I've come to the conclusion that one of the strategies that might help in the old man's complaint of feeling tired could be to lose some weight! I've never worried about my weight but am seriously considering losing a bit by eating less. Note, not changing my diet, just eating less!

[Stanley]

If you see things that don't go off like tea bags at half price, fill your boots!

[Stanley]

Disposing of old dripping from the deep fat fryer is always a bit of a puzzle. The best solution I have found is to melt it and pour it into a strong plastic bottle, label it and put it in the waste. I have slipped up in the past and put it in the bottle too hot. It melts the plastic and you have a bit of a mess! Luckily I did it outside on the welding bench in the yard......

[Stanley]

I feel better now that my fryer has clean dripping! I can see some chips coming....
I gave my sink a good inspection yesterday. My bleaching routine is working, as far as I can see both the overflow and the 'U' bend are clean as a whistle and so is the inspection chamber in the yard. Not a bad idea to lift the cover and have a look every now and again especially if it is a common sewer with neighbours. You may be very good at keeping fat out of the sink but are your neighbours with the programme? Nothing more soul destroying than lifting the cover and finding a fat berg and a partial blockage. This is all too common!

[Stanley]

Remember your mother always telling you to take the teapot to the kettle so that the water was still boiling when it hits the tea? I noticed this morning that the teabag pops up to the surface immediately if the water is boiling properly, otherwise it is very lazy and just floats up gently. Only a small thing but it does make a difference to the taste of the tea!

[Stanley]

Old fashioned but the modern variant of the feather duster is still a handy tool for a quick whisk round before visitors and doesn't need any battery charging!
I saw an advert the other day for an 'oven cleaning service'. It reminded me of a tip I once saw in a magazine, a woman had a spare set of brand new shelves and grills for her cooker and if she was having visitors she swapped them for the everyday ones.....