LIGHTS IN THE SKY 2014

[Stanley]

Last Xmas I was told she was shacked up with Boris in Beamsley but there has been no confirmation.
Meanwhile, the elves have been busy and the results of their labours are all over the place. The Cathedral of Choice is in full on Xmas mode three weeks before the day. It's working as well, the car park is noticeably more full then usual.
See THIS for a report on the new monster sprouts. They are not a result of breeding or gene modification, just Mother Nature's response to good weather in August. Or so we are told.... Could it be the Elves?

[Tizer]

Good point. I notice the report says that `Sprouts the size of golf balls are being dug up by farmers.." but nowhere does it say the farmers planted them.

[Moh]

The emitters have been on the lamp posts for ages and are flashing - transmitting what?

[Whyperion]

Tiz mentioned this old topic and I have been thinking about it for a while. As far as I know the glory days of Mrs Trelliss and Boris are long gone but it was always a useful vehicle for whingeing about Xmas. Anyone want to have a go? I am sure that Ian's OCD will kick in and he'll alter the date....

Notable that even in these early days the car park at the Cathedral of Choice is busier than usual... Why do people need more food at Xmas than any other time of the year?

I think it used to be that far-flung family or friends turn up either by invitation or otherwise, the shops generally used be closed for two or three successive days, its cold and one feels like a feast-up (saturnalia).

Problem with the South Yorkshire place is the lack of waste collections from 23rd Dec to 4th Jan this time around, In London the dates also get shunted round too leading to overflowing bins and recycling area, not certain what Lancashire/Pendle/Burnley plans are this year.

[Stanley]

They must be different sprouts.... Normal ones don't need digging up......

[Tizer]

Well, as you said yourself, they are not normal sprouts, they are monster sprouts, so I suppose the monsters live underground.

[Stanley]

I like the way they pointed out they were too big to go in small children's mouths....

[Moh]

Haven't they heard of knives & forks?

[Stanley]

Table etiquette is regarded as old fashioned these days Moh. In fact some of them don't know what a table is.
They must have turned the power up to the emitters, one of my fuses tripped out this morning. I blame Xmas!

[Marilyn]

Common sense dictates that if you hav a knife and fork in your mouth there is no room for Sprouts.
I love Sprouts, but the only ones you can trust around these parts at this time of year are frozen ones. The shops still believe in conning humans with fresh ones, but they are pink at the core and taste dreadful. There is much nodding and speculation over when and where they were sourced and just who crossed a foreigner's grubby mitt with silver to get them here, for no one can eat them.

I told you last year! Mrs Trellis was selling Christmas Cakes and Puddings outside my Post Office!
Does no one listen?!d
( sat out the front of the Post Office as brazen as can be...not a hint of alfoil in sight...but I could guess from ten paces that Moth Balls are the new deterrent)

I can pass a message on if she is there this Christmas...

[Stanley]

Please do so Maz. I have two layers of foil in my hat and so far it's working. Being an autonomous dictatorship at no. 10. I have abolished Xmas...... The foil is working. (Not too sure about moth balls, will embrocation do the same job?)

[Marilyn]

No sign of any activity there today, but early days.
Now - provided I am not zapped and fried by the forces that be - and I actually get to speak with the woman, what do you want me to ask/say to her?
( I suspect she may be suspicious...is there a code I should use or a word I need?)
( should I mention Bob? Or am I likely to get a pudding thrown at me)

[Nolic]

Maz, ask her if she knows anything of Boris' whereabouts? The RAF and USAF are madly searching around Menwith Hill and Blubberhouses for him as rumours in the US is that Donald Trump is not real and is an imposter. Boris does unfortunately have a resemblance to the turd when wearing his wig and word has it that he could be a candidate for president.......not sure who would be worse Trump or Boris????? Nolic

[Marilyn]

Right. Understood. Does Boris have a surname?

[Nolic]

Boris O' Storiths.....not to be mistaken for Barrack (aka Paddy) O' Bama. Nolic

[Marilyn]

Oh...I once did a Royal Icing Course...so I could never confuse two names like that...

[Wendyf]

Careful Nolic...don't give away too much information, remember it's very hot where Maz lives just now....."no hat, no foil"!

[Marilyn]

Someone has been thinking too deeply whilst mucking out the barn in their Wellies...
( don't listen to her Nolic)

[Tizer]

Maz, does it help to have corks hanging from one's foil hat? Does it help to disperse the energy?

[Marilyn]

I have a very fetching fly net that sits over my hat, rather like a bee-keeper wears, Tizer...so I don't do the cork thing.
Foil sits inside the hat and not visible, so I look perfectly normal.
Because I AM perfectly normal.

I am....
....perfectly....normal.

[Stanley]

See THIS for a discussion of the efficacy of the tin foil hat. First proposed in 1927 the section on protection from magnetic fields agrees that the evidence is that it can be effective, acting like a Faraday Cage. No mention of corks.....
The tempo rises as everything in the Cathedral of Choice is now designated 'Festive'. Car park full of cars, I actually saw a dispute over a parking space yesterday. Perhaps foil hat liners should be issued free by the NHS.

[Marilyn]

Well I've not been anywhere today, so I haven't a thing to report.

[Stanley]

You were safe from the radiation while you were immersed in your research. That's worth reporting. I never get Xmas fever when I am busy......

[Marilyn]

Hurried past the Post Office at top trot and on opposite side of the road today, but did not eyeball Ivy Trellis. I am beginning to despair...

[Stanley]

Courage Mon Brave! The danger will soon pass, only two weeks to go.....