Old fashioned clean jokes

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chinatyke
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by chinatyke » 28 Sep 2019, 15:28

:good: :biggrin2: :biggrin2:

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 28 Sep 2019, 15:58

All great jokes - keep them coming! :smile:

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 29 Sep 2019, 02:43

Nice one Kev. :biggrin2:
This one actually happened but I thought it was funny at the time. Tramming down from Scotland with 60ft of motor and a full load on the dual carriageway near Lockerbie. I was passed by a sports car that cut in and braked making me brake as well. Then I got a 'V' sign out of the window and he roared off. A few miles further I saw some drips of oil in the fast lane which rapidly developed into a serious continuous stain. A mile or so further on I came across the culprit stopped in a lay-by, bonnet up and a thin haze of blue smoke. You've guessed it. It was the sporty young man who had cut me up. Did I sound my horn and wave at him? You bet I did!
On another occasion I was walking across an almost empty Co-op car park and a car shot passed me and skidded to a halt in a disabled parking space. He had one of those plastic air dam kits fitted which makes you go faster. Problem was he had knocked it off on the high kerb. As I passed he was getting out pursued by an angry young lady screaming at him. I asked him what he did for an encore....
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by chinatyke » 03 Oct 2019, 12:37

A man tells his Rabbi “I have a strong desire to live to eternity. What am I supposed to do?”
The Rabbi replied “Get married.”
“It’s that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?”
“No, but the desire will disappear.”

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 04 Oct 2019, 02:21

:biggrin2:
I love Jewish humour.....
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by chinatyke » 04 Oct 2019, 11:51

My Granddad always said "As one door closes, another one opens" - lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 05 Oct 2019, 02:08

:biggrin2:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Big Kev » 13 Oct 2019, 14:29

It's 5 minutes walk from my house to the pub and it's 35 minutes walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by PanBiker » 13 Oct 2019, 16:39

:biggrin2: :good:
Ian

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 14 Oct 2019, 01:28

That hit the spot Kev!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tripps » 14 Oct 2019, 09:49

London joke

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
► Show Spoiler
Born to be mild. . .

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Big Kev » 14 Oct 2019, 10:55

Tripps wrote:
14 Oct 2019, 09:49
London joke

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
► Show Spoiler
:laugh5: I'm sure I don't know what you mean...
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tripps » 14 Oct 2019, 11:26

That's nice - I had you in mind when I put it up. :smile:
Born to be mild. . .

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 15 Oct 2019, 02:25

Without looking at the spoiler... You can't wash your feet in a buffalo!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 15 Oct 2019, 11:27

Mrs Tiz knew it too without looking. I didn't.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 16 Oct 2019, 02:37

Smart cookie!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Big Kev » 18 Oct 2019, 08:00

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 18 Oct 2019, 09:40

As the judge said, nil illegitimo carborundum. :smile:

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 19 Oct 2019, 03:08

Don't bother trying to sandpaper an elephant down to a greyhound. It doesn't work!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 22 Oct 2019, 08:51

Apparently the civil service are so fed up with Boris's special advisor Cummings that they've requested non-dom status. :extrawink:

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