Old fashioned clean jokes

[Stanley]

That's why they invented the word iatrogenesis!

[Tizer]

[Bodger]

A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

[SPR676]

A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

Now there's something!

[Stanley]

There's a famous story in New York about a Jewish wife who sailed to the US as an immigrant to join her husband who had gone before and established himself on the Lower East Side. After about a month she asked her husband where all the Americans were as she was living an almost exclusively Jewish area.

[SPR676]

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

[Stanley]

[SPR676]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Shouldn't have been peeking
Naughty you.

[SPR676]

Could have told you a chemistry joke but they all argon.

[chinatyke]

Could have told you a chemistry joke but they all argon.

Urea today, argon tomorrow.

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

Seen in The Oldie magazine, a cartoon showing an official sitting behind his desk at the office of the cricket club. On his desk are three trays, marked: In, Out and Not Out.

[Stanley]

[Bodger]

A thief in Paris planned to steal some
Paintings from the Louvre



After careful planning, he got
past security, stole the paintings,
and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two

blocks away when his van ran out of gas

When asked how he could mastermind

such a crime and then make such an

obvious error, he replied,

'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole

the paintings.'


I had no Monet


To buy Degas



To make the Van Gogh.'


See if you have De Gaulle to
send this on to someone else....


I sent it to you because I figured
I had nothing Toulouse .

[Stanley]

Clever....

[SPR676]

I recently decided to start writing poetry.

POETR

That’s enough for today.

[Stanley]

Different........

[Big Kev]

A distraught farmer finds all his cows frozen in the snow.

He prays to god for help and a woman appears in front of him.

She puts her arms around each cow and they defrost.

"Thank you" says the grateful farmer,"are you an angel sent by god?".

"No" says the woman,

"I'm Thora Hird".....

[Cathy]

(It took a second)

[Stanley]

And me Cath.......

[SPR676]

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

[chinatyke]

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

Turn the keyboard round!

When I worked in the electronic lab at Mullards at Simonstone we used to change the test card signal around and then tell newbies that they had inserted the tube in the wrong way around and laugh as they tried everything to get it right.

[Stanley]

Very funny........ but not for the victim!

[Tizer]

It's strange how I read that upside down text almost as easily as right way up text! I tried reading some text on a book page upside down but it was difficult - but that was in serif font whereas the text on OG is sans serif.

[SPR676]

10 reasons why men are lazy:
1)