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Old fashioned clean jokes
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
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- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Aaw, that’s a bit sad
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
It's the way a lot of people feel Cathy....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
This Mars news harks back to the tapping of a cow to test for bloat. Using sound to make a diagnosis or identification. Also like a doctor tapping your chest to listen for fluid in the lungs...
`Nasa's Perseverance Mars rover listens to its rock-zapping laser' LINK
`...The sound of the laser hitting rocks reveals knowledge such as the hardness of the targets being investigated. "If we tap on a surface that is hard, we will not hear the same sound as when we fire on a surface that is soft," explained Naomi Murdoch, from the National Higher French Institute of Aeronautics and Space, in Toulouse. "Take for example chalk and marble. These two materials have an identical chemical composition (calcium carbonate), but very different physical properties."..'
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I thought that when I read of the 'sound' of the laser.
Amazing what can give signals. My old mate Arthur Entwistle could tell the difference between silver steel and Stellite blindfolded.
Amazing what can give signals. My old mate Arthur Entwistle could tell the difference between silver steel and Stellite blindfolded.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Some experienced geologists tap rocks to help identify them. There is even a rock known as phonolite from the Greek for `sounding stone'. Sometimes known locally as clink stone and in Germany as kling stein.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Ken. Have a listen to THIS Jerry Reed song, "She got the gold mine, I got the shaft".
I can identify most metals but sometimes get a surprise! Usually when I start cutting.
I can identify most metals but sometimes get a surprise! Usually when I start cutting.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Fans of Only Fools and Horses will appreciate this
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Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Sorry Kev its lost on me, Prison service?
Something easier, Subject: Truisms
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots.
Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Anyone got an owners manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me.
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason.
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup.
My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
Something easier, Subject: Truisms
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
The wife's been hinting she want's something black and lacy for her birthday. So I've got her a pair of football boots.
Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages. Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Anyone got an owners manual for a wife? Mine's giving off a terrible whining noise!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me.
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason.
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called wedding cake.
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup.
My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
"Look after your broom, and your broom will look after you"
Born to be mild
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Sapere Aude
Ego Lego
Preferred pronouns - Thou, Thee, Thy, Thine
My non-working days are Monday - Sunday
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Thanks, I live in a different world. Still means nothing. Is it me?
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
The same joke about stails and brush heads was told about an old brush seller at Otley Market.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
A good one, Cathy, thanks!
This from Patrick Hosking in his Diary piece in The Times, told to him by a lawyer friend who witnessed the exchange. The Recorder of London saw his clerk was doing a crossword and poring over a clue. he asked what the clue was. `Dog star' said the clerk and the Recorder immediately and triumphantly said `Sirius'. No, said the clerk `The answer is Lassie'.
This from Patrick Hosking in his Diary piece in The Times, told to him by a lawyer friend who witnessed the exchange. The Recorder of London saw his clerk was doing a crossword and poring over a clue. he asked what the clue was. `Dog star' said the clerk and the Recorder immediately and triumphantly said `Sirius'. No, said the clerk `The answer is Lassie'.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I like that one Peter. Very low key but telling.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
What's Irish and stays outside all year?
Paddy O'Furniture
Paddy O'Furniture
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90436
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Oh dear! But it did make me smile Kev....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!