Old fashioned clean jokes

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Stanley
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 29 Apr 2018, 05:32

That's why they invented the word iatrogenesis!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 29 Apr 2018, 09:08

Image

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Bodger » 29 Apr 2018, 20:42

A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 30 Apr 2018, 00:49

Bodger wrote:
29 Apr 2018, 20:42
A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
Now there's something!
Russ
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 30 Apr 2018, 02:59

There's a famous story in New York about a Jewish wife who sailed to the US as an immigrant to join her husband who had gone before and established himself on the Lower East Side. After about a month she asked her husband where all the Americans were as she was living an almost exclusively Jewish area.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 01 May 2018, 00:32

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 01 May 2018, 02:52

:biggrin2:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 04 May 2018, 00:19

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Shouldn't have been peeking
Naughty you.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 04 May 2018, 00:26

Could have told you a chemistry joke but they all argon.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by chinatyke » 04 May 2018, 01:26

SPR676 wrote:
04 May 2018, 00:26
Could have told you a chemistry joke but they all argon.
Urea today, argon tomorrow.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 04 May 2018, 02:02

:good:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 04 May 2018, 10:56

Seen in The Oldie magazine, a cartoon showing an official sitting behind his desk at the office of the cricket club. On his desk are three trays, marked: In, Out and Not Out.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 05 May 2018, 04:12

:good:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Bodger » 07 May 2018, 09:47

A thief in Paris planned to steal some
Paintings from the Louvre



After careful planning, he got
past security, stole the paintings,
and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two

blocks away when his van ran out of gas

When asked how he could mastermind

such a crime and then make such an

obvious error, he replied,

'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole

the paintings.'


I had no Monet


To buy Degas



To make the Van Gogh.'


See if you have De Gaulle to
send this on to someone else....


I sent it to you because I figured
I had nothing Toulouse .

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 08 May 2018, 03:07

Clever.... :good:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 11 May 2018, 02:08

I recently decided to start writing poetry.

POETR

That’s enough for today.
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 11 May 2018, 02:44

Different........ :good:
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Big Kev » 11 May 2018, 07:47

A distraught farmer finds all his cows frozen in the snow.

He prays to god for help and a woman appears in front of him.

She puts her arms around each cow and they defrost.

"Thank you" says the grateful farmer,"are you an angel sent by god?".

"No" says the woman,

"I'm Thora Hird".....
Kev

A Resigned Observer

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Cathy » 11 May 2018, 12:03

:laugh5: (It took a second)
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here. :)

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 12 May 2018, 02:37

And me Cath.......
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 12 May 2018, 03:36

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by chinatyke » 12 May 2018, 05:25

SPR676 wrote:
12 May 2018, 03:36
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
Turn the keyboard round! :biggrin2:

When I worked in the electronic lab at Mullards at Simonstone we used to change the test card signal around and then tell newbies that they had inserted the tube in the wrong way around and laugh as they tried everything to get it right.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Stanley » 12 May 2018, 05:34

Very funny........ but not for the victim!
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by Tizer » 13 May 2018, 09:10

It's strange how I read that upside down text almost as easily as right way up text! I tried reading some text on a book page upside down but it was difficult - but that was in serif font whereas the text on OG is sans serif.

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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes

Post by SPR676 » 14 May 2018, 01:44

10 reasons why men are lazy:
1)
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