Old fashioned clean jokes
- Stanley
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
That's why they invented the word iatrogenesis!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Now there's something!Bodger wrote: ↑29 Apr 2018, 20:42 A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia .
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australiaman, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Egyptian."
The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia ."
The person says, "I not Australian, I am Pakistani."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says,
"Thank you for wonderful country Australia !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Afghanistan . I am not Australian."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks,
"Are you an Australia woman?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa ."
Puzzled, he asks her,
"Where are all the Australian?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."
Russ
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- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
There's a famous story in New York about a Jewish wife who sailed to the US as an immigrant to join her husband who had gone before and established himself on the Lower East Side. After about a month she asked her husband where all the Americans were as she was living an almost exclusively Jewish area.
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
Russ
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- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Shouldn't have been peeking
Naughty you.
Violets are blue
Shouldn't have been peeking
Naughty you.
Russ
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Could have told you a chemistry joke but they all argon.
Russ
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- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Seen in The Oldie magazine, a cartoon showing an official sitting behind his desk at the office of the cricket club. On his desk are three trays, marked: In, Out and Not Out.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
A thief in Paris planned to steal some
Paintings from the Louvre
After careful planning, he got
past security, stole the paintings,
and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two
blocks away when his van ran out of gas
When asked how he could mastermind
such a crime and then make such an
obvious error, he replied,
'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole
the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to
send this on to someone else....
I sent it to you because I figured
I had nothing Toulouse .
Paintings from the Louvre
After careful planning, he got
past security, stole the paintings,
and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two
blocks away when his van ran out of gas
When asked how he could mastermind
such a crime and then make such an
obvious error, he replied,
'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole
the paintings.'
I had no Monet
To buy Degas
To make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to
send this on to someone else....
I sent it to you because I figured
I had nothing Toulouse .
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Clever....
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
I recently decided to start writing poetry.
POETR
That’s enough for today.
POETR
That’s enough for today.
Russ
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- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Different........
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
A distraught farmer finds all his cows frozen in the snow.
He prays to god for help and a woman appears in front of him.
She puts her arms around each cow and they defrost.
"Thank you" says the grateful farmer,"are you an angel sent by god?".
"No" says the woman,
"I'm Thora Hird".....
He prays to god for help and a woman appears in front of him.
She puts her arms around each cow and they defrost.
"Thank you" says the grateful farmer,"are you an angel sent by god?".
"No" says the woman,
"I'm Thora Hird".....
Kev
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Stylish Fashion Icon.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
(It took a second)
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK... they know me here.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
And me Cath.......
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
Russ
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Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Turn the keyboard round!
When I worked in the electronic lab at Mullards at Simonstone we used to change the test card signal around and then tell newbies that they had inserted the tube in the wrong way around and laugh as they tried everything to get it right.
- Stanley
- Global Moderator
- Posts: 90853
- Joined: 23 Jan 2012, 12:01
- Location: Barnoldswick. Nearer to Heaven than Gloria.
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
Very funny........ but not for the victim!
Stanley Challenger Graham
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Stanley's View
scg1936 at talktalk.net
"Beware of certitude" (Jimmy Reid)
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
It's strange how I read that upside down text almost as easily as right way up text! I tried reading some text on a book page upside down but it was difficult - but that was in serif font whereas the text on OG is sans serif.
Nullius in verba: On the word of no one (Motto of the Royal Society)
Re: Old fashioned clean jokes
10 reasons why men are lazy:
1)
1)
Russ
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