Family Matters

[Cathy]

Did they keep the Baileys in the fridge or on the kitchen bench? With all the alcohol they consumed I'm surprised it didn't kill the gastro bug!!

[Marilyn]

Cathy...I don't allow any drinks ( except breakfast Orange Juice) to be kept in the kitchen fridge, because they would be in and out of that fridge every few minutes if I did, meaning the fridge would have to work overtime in such temperatures and food may possibly spoil. They had a big ice chest on the back deck for drinks.
( we who don't drink much have learned to keep our drinks in our bedrooms and only put what we want for the day in the ice chest. This helps prevent those among us who cannot control their drinking from committing the offence of pilfering from others. It is a well known fact that such persons have dreadful memories and will deny the theft, and it is just much more diplomatic to avoid the arguments entirely by preventing opportunities where they may be tempted....especially when it comes to Baileys!)

In other words...trust no-one!

[Stanley]

Who was cleaning the lavatory? This river trip sounds like my idea of hell!

[Marilyn]

Two loos on the boat, Stanley.
I asked the boys to use the outside one, but they flatly refused...so that became almost exclusively mine. The other was in the bathroom, so Mr Febby very kindly popped in there first thing to 'tidy up' before I went for my shower.
Outside loo didn't have a washbasin, so I had to use the main bathroom. If I found it not up to scratch, again Mr Febby kindly popped in there for me and had a clean about, hid the 'girlie' magazines and opened the window!
So I was quite happy to use the outside one, except it was dreadfully hot in there, being on deck in the full sun. More like a sauna than a loo...

[Marilyn]

Had a frog in my toilet one night about 2am.
Scared the bejesus out of me for a nanosecond.

[Wendyf]

Maz, is there any part of these houseboat holidays that you can enjoy???

[Marilyn]

Oh yes. Fantastic scenery and wildlife. Magnificent sunrises and sunsets. Some lovely and interesting craft on the river, including beautiful timber paddle steamers. I like to take a lot of photos.

[Stanley]

Well done Dave.. a proper gent. So the answer would be for you both to set off on your own..... Such a shame......

[PanBiker]

Off to Stratford tomorrow for Dan's Inquest on Wednesday afternoon which will be held in Leamington. Going down the day before and staying over, don't fancy any issues on the motorway if we went down on the same day.

[Stanley]

I hope all goes well and quickly. Sooner it's out of the way the better.

[Tizer]

After last year's battle with council staff over planning (still in progress) we now have another started up over my dad's application for a flat in the council's Extra Care Home in the local town. We helped him with the application form (which was about 20 pages) and the interview with the manager and eventually a place was offered in principle. He and we were told on a Friday and given the Monday as the deadline for accepting - the council can takes weeks but we're given a weekend. He signed to accept and we waited for the next step, signing up to the tenancy agreement once a specific flat could be viewed. The viewing took place but we warned the council lettings agency that he would be starting a 4-week course of radiotherapy in March and wouldn't be able to move house during that time. He would be at hospital or travelling back and forth much of the time and would be very tired even if not directly affected by the therapy. The Home's manager agreed that it was unreasonable to expect him to move during the treatment but there was still plenty of time before it started.

Nothing happened for ages. The flat still contained the previous occupants things and the agency failed to get the keys from them so they couldn't offer the temnancy agreement yet. Last week my dad started his radiotherapy, so we put aside thoughts of the flat for now. Then yesterday the agency phoned my dad (they are supposed to communicate with us because he can't understand people easily on the phone, gets confused and has poor short-term memory) and told him to come in and sign his tenancy agreement or he would lose the chance of having the flat. He didn't know exactly what they were saying so told them to phone us. We phoned the agency and they insisted again that he would have to come in and sign, even though we explained about the radiotherapy - they think he should sign up and start paying rent regardless of the fact that it would cost him hundreds of pounds before he's even able to move in about a month's time (besides rent there are other charges such as £40 a week for meals which he wouldn't have and a hefty service charge).

I phoned the care home manager and she's going to speak to the agency supervisor tomorrow, probably to point out that my dad's 94, confused and weak due to his medical treatment. Also, the agency would be unlikely to find someone else to come in at short notice to such a specialised flat and immediately pay them rent - it's as if they are being bloody-minded and would now rather refuse to keep the flat for my dad and lose money than hold it for while until he's ready.

So now we wait to see what happens. It seems that council staff only go by the book and can't bear the idea of being flexible and using their nous. If they still make problems we might have to go for the nuclear option...a press release to the local newspaper about how the council lettings agency are making life difficult for a 94-year-old ex-RAF man who kept the Spitfire pilots fliyng in the Battle of Britain...

(Oh yes, and our dispute with the planners continues, now almost a year since it began, but looks like ending soon. We forced them to get a second opinion about bats from a different ecologist and he came up with quite different conclusions - it looks like we should have been allowed to go ahead after all. But it's too late now and we've committed ourselves to a different path. Nevertheless, it's clearing up an issue that's been worrying local folk since it began and will open the way for more improvement of old housing stock.)

[Stanley]

Tiz, two things strike me. You and Mrs Tiz should get a medal and an ex-gratia payment for acting as troubleshooters for the council. Further, there is one thing that could explain the council's actions over the lease, the more paperwork they generate, the safer their jobs are..... Their defence will be that they have a duty to maximise financial returns from the investment in the flat. I wonder if there is a humanity clause in their remit?

[Tizer]

And you should get a medal for improving the Co-Op's stock control - between us we might get this country on its feet again!

You will be right about maximising financial returns at the council but unfortunately they are blinkered in all they do and end up by getting a lower return due to following `the book' slavishly. They don't use initiative - they don't have initiative, or have never been taught to use it, or have had it drummed out of them. This is what gets the public services a bad name - I'm the first to admit that private companies are not what they were but the better ones still do more to encourage initiative than we see in these services. I spoke on the phone to the head of the lettings agency about the high charges for obligatory meals at the Extra Care Homes (£6 for a lunch) and explained how expensive this was for someone who would already be paying most of his pension in rent and service fees. The man's reply was "I know, but it's out of my hands, it's decided by the people above me". In a private company a man in such a position would be expected to influence such decisions because he knows more about what's going on than those above him.

EDIT at 10.30am: Just had a call from the council Lettings Agency. They have retracted the offer to dad on a specific Extra Care Home flat because they "can't afford to leave it without rent". I went through the argument again that they'll probably lose more money by this than they would do if they held it for dad. She admitted this could be the case but said that they are not allowed to leave it empty - which seems to be a self-contradictory statement. They'll wait until he's finished radiotherapy before making another offer, which is good because he only gets three offers before being struck of the list - each offer refused is a point against you and gives you a lower priority. However, even though he's a frail 94-year-old looking for an Extra Care Home (rather than being a young, healthy guy wanting a council flat) and his GP has said he should go into such a home, they won't absolve him from the 3 offers rule. I sometimes wonder what country we live in!

[Marilyn]

I agree that £6 for lunch is over the top, unless perhaps it is THE main meal of the day with a complete array of veg, plus dessert.
( because I know that eating a main meal at lunch can better suit an older persons digestion)
So how much would he have to pay for evening meal?
It would almost be worth it for a private mini bus to collect a group of elderly and take them for a pub meal for that price. Pension cards flashed, they may even get a small beer included...and a sit by a warm fire!

[Stanley]

"And you should get a medal for improving the Co-Op's stock control - between us we might get this country on its feet again!"

The ladies at the Cathedral of Choice tell me that there are moves to reinstate the old complaints book that they always used to keep in store. They tell me that many items have disappeared like the Condor. They also say that none of them know anything about 'consultations with staff'.

Your dad, Kafka comes to mind....

[Tizer]

The lunch does have a dessert and should be enough for a `main meal' but he is used to having meals (not butties) at both lunch and evening and is underweight, so needs his calories. They used to allow residents to choose between paying for these meals or making/buying their own (each flat has a kitchen) but recently changed the rules which leaves some folk on the old system and newer ones being forced to pay for the lunches. £6 for a meal is not cheap here, for less than that you can get very good quality frozen cooked meals (inc. dessert) delivered to your door and stored in your freezer by Wiltshire Farm Foods which has a good reputation. Some of the earlier residents buy these instead of the home's meals and therefore have more choice in what they want to eat. See an example of the `New Choices' pack of 5 meals + desserts for about £26 here:
http://www.wiltshirefarmfoods.com/froze ... 20Pack_NW1
Individual meals (no dessert) range from about £3 to £5. `Hearty' meals are about £5.
At the moment my dad lives on £1 Sainsbury's ready meals - he won't pay for anything better! So he could raise the quality and quantity of his meals without coming anywhere near the £6 price.

[Marilyn]

Tiz...could you and Mrs Tiz not prepare some home cooked meals, freeze them and deliver them?
I was just thinking that if Dad needs more nutrition just now ( especially with current therapy), that whatever you come up with has to beat a £1 ready meal. I've been doing the same thing for quite a while now, and it doesn't take much effort at all.

[PanBiker]

The following post contains information on my experiences at the inquest into my sons death. There are no revelations in graphic detail but some of what I have written may be upsetting. I have found it quite therapeutic writing the post but if it does offend or upset anyone I will remove it if requested or another moderator or administrator can.


We had a good run down to Stratford on Tuesday with just one small delay. It was a good call going down the day before the inquest as we heard on Wednesday morning that they had to close part of the motorway due to an accident. We met up with the rest of the family in the evening for a meal. They travelled down separately, Dan’s brother and sister and her partner.

Our liaison officer Sharon rang us in the morning to check that we knew how to find the venue in Leamington and said she would meet us there half an hour before the scheduled time of the inquest which was set for 2.00pm. The Justice courts in Leamington are housed in quite a new building and there is adequate parking available in the area. All this was detailed on the information we received from the court.

Sally and I arrived just before 1.30pm with some trepidation I have to say. There is full security on the door with electronic gates and body and bag searching to go through before you are allowed into the building. Once through that the building is light and airy, nothing like we had imagined. It is open plan with a reception and enquiry area at one side and a small cafeteria and toilet facilities at the other, there is a small cluster of chairs and tables where you can sit for refreshments. The courts and offices are spread across three floors with a spiral staircase to the various levels in the centre atrium. There is a conference display TV like you see at the airport which has information about what is scheduled in each court. There was information on proceedings in quite a number of the courts but no mention of Dan’s inquest.

We went to the café and got a brew and sat down in the waiting area, the rest of our party arrived about 10 minutes later. Shortly followed by Sharon who went to find out which court we were scheduled in. She came back about 15 minutes later and told us it would be in court 6 but may be a few minutes late as there was an inquest already taking place that had not yet finished. She asked if we wanted to go into a family room until the court was ready for us but we elected to wait where we were. Just after 2.00pm we saw the people from the previous inquest coming down the stairs and making their way out. Shortly afterwards Sharon returned with the court clerk and told us that we could go up onto the second floor waiting area where the clerk would briefly explain the procedure within the court. This she did and then checked that the Coroner was ready for us, he was so we were ushered into the court.

As this is a new facility the court was very modern, all seating positions had microphones fed into the room amplification system. There were 4 rows of seats with tables in front of the raised bench area at the front. There was a witness desk to the left of the court and an area for the accused and a jury box at the right for when the court is used for criminal proceedings. The clerk said that a member of the family would have to take the stand and give some basic information under oath. I elected to do this so was positioned nearest to the witness box. We were all seated on the second row from the front. Sharon and her colleague who would be presenting the police evidence were seated behind us, the clerk at the front. The clerk informed us that all the proceedings would be recorded and then asked us all to rise as the Coroner came to the bench.

He introduced himself and asked us all to be seated before offering his condolences to the family. He explained that the purpose of the inquest was not to apportion blame in any way but purely to investigate the circumstances of the death to enable him to arrive at the most fitting cause based on the evidence presented. He explained that he had all the witness statements and reports and that he had read these in entirety prior to resuming the inquest. It was his job after hearing all the evidence to explain how he arrives at his verdict. He added that if we had any questions that the evidence presented might raise or if we needed clarification on anything at all we should ask. He did not want us to leave the court with unanswered questions.

He asked who would speak for the family; I answered and was asked to take the stand. I was sworn in and had to state my full name and address, my date of birth and my relationship to the deceased. He then asked me to give Daniels full name, date of birth and last place of abode. The name and birthday was no problem but I faltered on Dan’s last address. I knew where it was and how to drive there but my mind had gone a complete blank on the actual address. He prompted me with the details and asked me to confirm which I did. I was then stood down. He explained that the evidence presented would consist of statements from the young lady directly involved in the collision and one from a gentleman who was some way behind her in his vehicle. He was the party that rang the incident in to the emergency services.

The coroner explained that he was satisfied with the statements provided and did not feel a need to call the subjects as witnesses so had not done so. Both statements were read out in their entirety. The Police accident investigating officer was called to the stand next as he was in attendance to present his findings. He was sworn in; the officer expressed a wish to read out his report so that we could ask questions if we needed any clarification on any of his findings. We had prior knowledge via our liaison officer of what the report would contain so there was nothing in his statement that we did not expect to hear.

The circumstances of the collision presented a massive side impact to Dan’s vehicle to the rear quarter, his vehicle was rotating clockwise after an overcorrection error, and at this point he had lost control and the vehicle spun directly into the path of the oncoming vehicle in the other lane. The young lady driving the oncoming vehicle had no opportunity to escape the situation and impacted the back quarter of Dan’s car directly with the front of her vehicle. It was a 50 mph limit on the road; she stated that she was travelling at around 40mph. The officer said that the damage to the vehicles would indicate that Dan was doing a similar speed. Both airbags in her car deployed, none in Daniels vehicle did as it was a side impact to his vehicle. The force of the collision caused his car to counter rotate in the opposite direction after impact before finally coming to rest. The tyre and scuff marks in the road backed this scenario up.

The road conditions and vehicle reports were given next; the road was straight and perfectly dry at the time of the collision. There was nothing wrong with Dan’s vehicle that would cause him to lose control; suspension was fine, no tyres were punctured, although during the event two tyres did leave the rims due to the sideways rotation of the vehicle before the impact. Both drivers were wearing seat belts. The abrasion marks on the belts from the roller locking mechanisms showed that they had secured both parties and that the mechanisms were fully functional. The amount of travel on the belts prior to lock off was what would be expected from a collision at the estimated impact speed which was deemed to be an abrupt stop from over 80mph derived from the probable speed of both vehicles. This was backed up by the crush effect on the front of the young ladies car and the amount of damage to the rear quarter of Dan’s vehicle.

The driver following behind the young lady said in his statement that he had noticed a car approaching from the other direction. He was about 50 yards behind the car in front when he noticed the oncoming vehicle spinning across the road followed by the car immediately in front of him braking heavily as he himself was braking he heard the sound of a collision and saw both vehicles ahead come to rest. He pulled up behind the scene and saw the young lady get out of her car, she was obviously distressed but despite the damage to her vehicle she was able to walk away from the scene and was sat on the verge while he rang for the emergency services. The police record shows that the first responders were on the scene within 5 minutes. The young lady was taken to hospital. Daniel was found still in his seat restrained by his seatbelt but already deceased at the scene.

The post mortem and toxicology reports were admitted next. It was clear from the evidence already admitted as to the actual cause of death. When we went to identify Dan I was amazed that he did not have a mark on him apart from a very small graze on his face. We have been assured that he did not suffer in any way and that death would have been instantaneous. I can appreciate that knowing what it says on the certificate.

It was noted that Daniels mobile phone was found in the front passenger well of his vehicle. The front of the car was basically untouched. The phone had been sent for forensic analysis, the report from the police, backed up by the records of the contract provider showed that there had been a missed call within 2 minutes of when the accident was called in by the witness. The coroner could not determine whether this directly contributed to the accident by way of a distraction but it was one possibility. What was clear was that for whatever reason the vehicle drifted towards the left hand kerb, it would seem that at this point or a split second later Daniel lost control which instigated the rotation into the oncoming traffic. There was no other evidence that he could see that supported any conclusion other than tragic and accidental death.

He asked if we had any further questions and then said that this verdict would be entered into the records and the registrar would be instructed to issue a full death certificate to that effect. He thanked us for our attendance and said that he hoped that he had presented the proceedings in a compassionate manner. I thanked him on behalf of the family for his ministrations. The clerk asked us all to stand as the Coroner left the court. She told us that we would be able to apply for death certificates any time the following week. We could also ask for a transcript of any or all of the proceedings.

At the time we said that we would need copies of the death certificate but would not require anything else from the proceedings. Having thought about this for a couple of days we have decided to ask for a full transcript. Daniels daughter Ruby is only 4 years old and we feel that at some time in the future she may want to know more of the facts about her father’s death. The inquest report is in the public domain and can be accessed by anyone but we feel it will be somewhat easier for us to provide this information for her. We intend to create a memory box for her about her dad. We will seal this report and make it plain what the contents are. It will be up to her at some point in the future when she is an adult if she wishes to see the transcript.

I have tried to be as accurate as I can to depict the proceedings and have posted this as it may help someone else reading it that may have to face a similar situation. I cannot change anything that has happened although it goes without saying that I dearly wish I could.

[Marilyn]

I am glad that this part is over for you and that there is clarity about the circumstances. Thinking of you...

[Stanley]

What a good idea to post that. Beautiful clear account and I'm sure it will help someone. Have you thought about sending the Coroner a copy? It could be useful to them as a first-hand example to help other people.
Glad you have it out of the way and what a good idea to create the memory box....

[Nolic]

Brave and thoughtful Ian. Thanks, Colin

[Wendyf]

Thank you Ian.

[EileenDavid]

Hello Ian
The report was sad and very brave of you.

Eileen

[PanBiker]

Thank you all for your comments. Not an easy day but the way the procedure was handled and the support we have had from our liaison officer Sharon has ensured that we have been fully informed at every step of the journey. I forgot to mention that we were in the court for a little over an hour, there was no time limit on the proceedings at all, which would cater for any questions that might be raised by the evidence presented. I think the modern court surroundings went some way towards easing the situation, that was my feeling anyway.

I did not see anyone myself but I was told that the press were in attendance. I think the courts have public galleries above. I don't know if the story will be syndicated. I do know that the local press in Stratford picked up on the obituary we put in for Dan in the BET which they chose to embellish to some degree for the Stratford papers. I was not in the right frame of mind to take them to task for this so soon after the funeral but If they overstep the mark again I most definitely will. The proceedings are a matter of public record so they have a right to report which is fine, as long as they stick to the facts.

[Tizer]

A concise and well-written report Ian which will be invaluable and reassuring to anyone who has to go through similar procedures. Thanks for writing it and posting it on OG.