Old fashioned clean jokes

[Cathy]

Oh dear

[PanBiker]

[Stanley]

Very good. I'm voting for number 12.

[plaques]

[Tripps]

Make the most of the snow. This chap did. . .

► Show Spoiler

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[Stanley]

I saw that video a while since Ken and it's still funny!

[Cathy]

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[Cathy]

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says,
“What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says,
“Where are you going?”
The man replies, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the dark.”

[Stanley]

[Tizer]

A variant of Cathy's joke used to be a staple component of student rag day magazines in the 1960s!

[Tizer]

One of my favourite bands, saw them at Manchester. I cant believe you have never heard of them Peter

Sorry Ian, I missed your post - Mrs Tiz saw it and took me to task, saying `Of course you've heard of them'. And yes I have but the in the image it was the Lyin' Eyes words that I noticed and the strange fonts (?) of Eagles passed me by altogether. Now I see that it says Eagles - it's interesting how our minds work differently, yet there are other times when I notice things other folk don't see. As for the group, yes I've heard of them but was never interested in their music. Now if you'd mentioned Bruce Springsteen, Bob Seeger, Dire Straits, Queen, Joni Mitchell, TinaTurner...

[PanBiker]

Yours are all on my list too Peter. In fact I like a lot of different genres from 1920's and everything in between (more or less) up to the present day. Here is one band keeping live street music going.

[Big Kev]

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I have another I could put on here but don't think it fits the 'clean' description...

[Stanley]

[Bodger]

Ian, I enjoyed that. Tony

[PanBiker]

Look them up on Youtube Bodge. Musicians enjoying themselves.

[Bodger]

A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"
His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."
He asks, "Who's is it?"
His wife replies, "Yours!"

[Stanley]

I like those jokes. Do remember the old one on the same lines.
Young lad in army writes to his mother. "Dear Mother, the sergeant says I am a bastard". The reply came: " Don't tell your dad, he doesn't know."

[Big Kev]

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.
My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."
His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother Jack with you and give it one more try."
"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."
"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"
"Of course I did!" replied John “I have perfect eyesight".
"Where did it go?" says Arthur.
"I don't remember." Says John.

[Cathy]

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an army base, the drill sergeant said
“All right! All you idiots fall out.”
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The drill sergeant walked over until he was 👁 to 👁 with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said
“Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh, Sir?”

[Stanley]

I liked both of those and there was nothing to startle the horses!

[Stanley]

[Big Kev]

I heard one of the major oil companies is making fuel from insect urine. I think it's BP.

[Stanley]

Oh God! When do we get to the end of the Xmas Cracker jokes......

[Big Kev]

A Yorkshireman goes to a goldsmith and asks for a gold statue of his whippet, the goldsmith asks "would you like it 18 carat?"
"Nay lad" says the Yorkshireman "just chewing bone will do"