Family Matters

[Tizer]

Wendy, if the drug suits your mum it may have an early effect but antidepressants can often take a week or two to show results. If the drug doesn't do any good perhaps you should ask the doctor about prescribing her a tranquillizer instead. I'm sceptical about antidepressants, they are prescribed for a wide range of conditions yet nobody knows for certain how they work. The class of drugs known as antidepressants consists of a strange variety of chemicals all lumped together under that name, and having very different actions on the body. For example amphetamines get classed as antidepressants and yet they may heighten anxiety because they stimulate the nervous system (the reason fighter pilots took them). You might think that alcohol is an antidepressant because it makes you feel better but it depresses rather than arouses the nervous system. So it's a complicated business!

[Wendyf]

Thanks Tiz. The doctor prescribed Mirtazapine, which can take a week or two to have an effect. He explained that it will be a sedative (so she is to take it at bedtime), and that it should also increase her appetite....both side effects which will be of benefit to her. Hopefully it won't make her too sleepy during the day. He is coming back in a couple of weeks to see how she is doing.

[Sue]

My dad tried anti depressants, they didn't work I am afraid

[Stanley]

Wendy, I hope the medication effects an improvement but why do I distrust anti-depressants so much? It's a complicated old world.....

[Wendyf]

It's worth a try...I have a feeling that she will stop taking them anyway.

[Stanley]

I agree, it's worth a try but what you really need is a slow release implant so that you could be sure your mother was getting any benefit. I wonder if such a treatment exists?

[Wendyf]

Well, I'm sure it can't be the happy pills working already but Mum sounds like a new woman over the phone. Her appetite is back and she sounds cheerful and looking forward to the day ahead....Could it be just sheer determination to avoid talk of a care home??

[Tizer]

Or the placebo effect of simply having pills that she's been told will make her feel better...and being given attention by a doctor. But if it works, OK.

[PanBiker]

We went down to Stratford on Friday for a memorial service at Stratford RC Church for Dan which was organised for Saturday. Dan's former partner, Ruby's mum organised it as Ruby (4) and her older sister did not come to Dan's funeral. It was a much lighter event and more of a celebration and gave an opportunity for some that could not make it to Dan's funeral up here to attend. Better for the girls as well and something they could be involved with organising. Ruby's older sister and a few of her friends presented the bidding prayers which they had written themselves. favourite music was played along with a couple of modern upbeat hymns with guitar accompaniment by friends. A couple of readings presented by other friends and Sally giving a eulogy with some of our favourite memories.

It was very well attended with both family and friends, former work colleagues and some of the mates he had made whilst at university. It was heartening to see how well he was regarded. One of the lads he shared digs with when he was doing his degree at Warwick came up from London along with his wife and two children.

We took some of his ashes down which are now in the grounds of the church, we will put a memorial stone in place in due course and it can be a focal point for Ruby in her home town.

So Dan's ashes are now in two places, Barlick and Stratford. In time some will be in Carleton with his Granddad in the Churchyard and with my parents down at Ghyll, the remainder will be on Penyghent. My favourite of the Three Peaks and a hill with special memories for myself with Dan. This tale could go in the walking thread but I will relate it here as it has relevance.

All our children were introduced to the joys of walking and the local fells at an early age. Dan climbed (with a lot of coaxing) Penyghent for the first time when he was about 5 years old. He was a reluctant fell walker for quite a while, always preferring to have a stick to poke in holes in walls and the like, he was always at the back unlike his older sister (by 2 years) Carla who was the proverbial "mountain goat", always 100 yards in front, (and making a point of it to her younger sibling). Notwithstanding this early reluctance, over the years of weekend walking, many hills in England, Scotland and Wales and countless tracks later, Dan came to love walking and the fells.

We used to always make a point of going out for a walk on New Years Day and one year, I think when Dan was about 11 or 12 years old he said he wanted to climb Penyghent on the first day of the year. There was snow on the fells at the time and no one else wanted to take on the hill other than Dan and myself so we packed up all our gear, butties, choc bars, flasks etc and set off up to Horton early, the roads were quite clear and we parked up in the car park and put a note through the door at the Penyghent Cafe with the car registration and our intention to climb the hill along with route and expected time on the fell.

There was about 4" -6" of snow on the lanes and lower approaches to the hill. We had decided to do a reverse route to normal and go straight up to Hull Pot to see how much water was in the beck and tumbling into the collapsed cave. From there we would take the miners path to the limestone scar and then on to the summit. As we went up the lane to Hull pot we could tell that we were the first on the fell that day, only virgin snow in front.
We made it up to the pot within about an hour and spent a little time taking photo's of the waters of Hull pot beck tumbling over into the bottom of the collapsed cavern 50 or 60 feet below. The snow was about a foot deep and drifting to a few feet behind the walls as we climbed the ladder stile to start our ascent of the hill up the miners path. I could see that the sky was quite heavy and it had just started to snow, gently at first but by the time we were half way up the path almost white out conditions. We had all our gear with us and we both already had our waterproofs on. The visibility was so bad that I had to get the compass out and take a bearing off my Gemmel map and navigate up the fell on compass. It was safer to go up than try to come down in zero visibility. Dan was holding on to the waist strap of my rucksack as we continued up by compass. The path emerges at the base of a limestone scar which would give some shelter where we could stop and make a decision on whether to continue to the summit. Summit or not we could wait there until the snow stopped when it would be a lot safer to get back down. My compass navigation was good and we arrived at the scar in due course and huddled down, we got out or flasks and had a brew as the snowstorm did it's worst. Ten minutes later the winds dropped and in a further five the sun was out and flooding over the summit ahead and the fells below. The sky cleared so we elected to continue up to the top.

We had to traverse across the fell at one point as the snow had drifted across and completely obliterated the lower section of the path. We rejoined it after about a hundred feet rejoining it for the final ascent to the summit. After "Trigging Out" we selected the side of the wall with least wind and sat down to eat our lunch. We were the only people on the hill at that time and apart from our footprints to the summit the snow was intact. We could see for miles, well up into the Lakes and over to the sea. Hardly a sound to be heard as we discussed the ascent over our brew and buttie's and which way we were going to go back down.

As we were making our way down towards the steep rock scramble on the end of the hill, Dan remarked about how good a day it had been. "Fantastic up there on the top today Dad" and "best bit was when we couldn't see where we were going". Simple pleasures shared by a dad and his son. It was a special day for me too and one that will always remain with me. It will be a sunny day though next time I take Dan onto the hill.

[Marilyn]

It is good, and obviously very important for Ruby especially, that you can all get along for all the important things in life.
( and it may take a huge effort in some areas, because it often does in fractured and re-blended families)

Lovely that Dan was remembered in this way...and lovely that he will be part of so many places.

( I must find the tissues now though...)

[Tizer]

My father is now settled into the Exra Care Home. After much grumbling he now admits the food is good, and the place is always warm and secure, and the staff are helpful and pleasant....and he's even talking to some of the other residents, which is a surprise considering how he's not made any friends in the past. We finally managed to part him from his car and it's now being sold. Basically, if you want to stop someone driving nobody else will take responsibility and you've got to do it yourself - unless of course they have an accident, which then draws in the authorities. The doctor said he couldn't do anything more because my dad isn't formally diagnosed with anything the DVLA can use, such as dementia. The DVLA wouldn't do anything either. In the end I pinched his car keys during the move to the home and informed his insurance company that he was no longer fit to drive. The insurance had just been renewed by my father but not quite started for the next period and, to give them credit, Saga Insurance returned 99% of the premium quickly. (I think they were panicked by the prospect of being responsible for a payout if he had an accident.) Once this was done he seemed to quickly accept it and hasn't made any more fuss. We think he might have really been unsure about his own ability but was too proud to admit it and needed us to do it for him. Now he can tell people he was forced to stop driving by us rather than admitting he wasn't fit to drive! (Sometimes you just have to put up with being blamed for such things!) Now we can breathe again. If you knew him as well as we do, and saw and heard some of the things he did and said you too would have been scared about him going out on the road. He was talking about driving to Blackpool (from Somerset) a couple of weeks ago and would probably have ended up as one of those who drive down the wrong side of the motorway (I find it difficult enough these days to negotiate some of the complex junctions)!

[Marilyn]

Hee hee...hopefully he doesn't pop out on a whim and buy a Scooter....
( can see him now...decked out with goggles and Cravat.)

[Stanley]

Loved that post Tiz! I think you're right about him being happy to have coercion by his wicked relatives as the excuse for not driving. I take credit for making the decision myself even though I was convinced I was still a good driver. The reaction from my kids was reward enough, they had seen what it could be like because my wife's new husband kept driving even though he was a serious menace and my action took the weight off them in respect of me. Different people, different attitudes.... I suppose it's all part of being human.
Maz, make the goggles WW2 fighter pilot pattern and a leather flying helmet.....

[Marilyn]

Have a hubby very sick in hospital with Septicaemia at the moment.
( which is a better status than yesterday when he was very very sick!)
We have no idea how the bacteria got into his blood stream, so he is having all kinds of scans etc to find the source....but the thing they keep coming back to is that he a very minor procedure ( removal of skin tags under his arms) at his doctors surgery about four days before falling terribly sick.
At least the broad spectrum IV antibiotics have helped, even though it would be better if they knew what they were fighting.
He is hanging in there...

[Wendyf]

Sorry to here that Maz. Hope he makes a quick recovery.

[Stanley]

Maz, that's what son in law Mick in Perth had earlier this year. He was also at death's door but they held hold of him with the broad specrum treatment and went looking for the specific bug. When they found it they zapped that and he has made a complete recovery, in fact he's better now than he has been for a long time. Perhaps David has a similar thing and hopefully will have the same outcome. The fact that he's survived the initial attack is a good sign. And yes, I know how worried you must have been. Give him my best when you visit....



Maz, David and Big Jack when they visited Barlick.

[Marilyn]

Did they find the source, Stanley?

He is in the best place...where he had his triple bypass seven years ago...and this week was the first sick day he has had off work since the bypass.
( I knew he was sick when he took a day off work...fell over and couldn't get up!)

[Marilyn]

Just heard he is off to theatre first thing.
They drained pus from his elbow earlier today but it needs more thorough surgery as it has re-formed. They have also found pus in his spine...

[LizG]

Sorry to hear your news Maz. Thinking of you.

[Stanley]

I don't think they found what had originally caused it, it could have been lurking for a long time. Keep positive, Mick had the same problems plus the fact he started to react to the ABs but he's fine now.

[Marilyn]

They found the bug this morning, so all is looking rosier now they know what they are fighting...so we are all a lot happier, and he is back to his slightly cantankerous self which is the most promising sign of all. Downhill from here, with a bit of a breeze behind us, with any luck.

[Stanley]

Same rate of progress as Mick. Things are looking better but be prepared for some set backs. With these infections it is often one step back before two steps forward. Keep positive.....

[Wendyf]

Pleased to hear that Febby is improving. Thinking of you.

[PanBiker]

Been out of the loop for a day or two, how quickly things can change, I hope your hubby makes a full recover Maz.

[Marilyn]

Thanks.
He is looking a touch better...( and very glam in his hospital gown. )