HOUSEHOLD TIPS NOT FOUND IN WOMAN'S WEEKLY

[Stanley]

Have a look at THIS article. Evidently it's more common than many of us might think.

[Wendyf]

Erm, time to get back into the shed perhaps??

[Marilyn]

I think he needs a good rub down with a scratchy rag and some kerosine....

[Stanley]

No Wendy, no shed until these little aches and pains and the lassitude have receded.
My interest in pheromones is simply academic.
I have another one, how do grossly obese people wipe their bottoms? That can be a disturbing thought.......

[Marilyn]

They don't.

[Bodger]

how do grossly obese people wipe their bottoms?

In a similar vein many years ago i fell two stories through a hole cut into a cotton mill being converted, amongst the injuries i had both wrists broken and finished up in plaster above both elbows, it made wiping a bit of a contortionist act, when asked in the local how i managed, my answer was to thread thread the paper from the roll through my legs and pull it till it ran clean!. Sorry if your'e having breakfast

[Marilyn]

Oh Gosh, Bodger. I know this is wrong on so many levels ( and I apologise) but you actually made me smile. Only because...I have such terrible sciatica...that I can only sit on one buttock on the loo...and I thought that no-one could have done it worse than my present situation. But you take the crown. Wear it proudly!

[Tizer]

The ancient Romans had it sorted - a sponge on a stick (but make sure there are no splinters sticking out of the end of the stick).

On a different note...here's my first tip for today. If you're the sole person in charge of a cryptocurrency exchange holding $140 million of other people's money make sure someone else has the password to access it in case you suddenly die. And my second tip is don't be one of those people who put their real money into a cryptocurrency exchange.
`Quadriga: Cryptocurrency exchange founder's death locks $140m' LINK

[Stanley]

In Tom Bower's biography of Robert Maxwell he mentions that he had a stock of white towels to hand and used them as Bodge describes.....
Closer to home I was once told of the Barlick Fire Chief who, when he had been to the outside lavatory used to stand in front of the fire where his wife wiped his bottom for him. See also the post in the Royal Court 'Groom of the stool'. (LINK)
Today's tip. Make sure your Macmillan nurse remembers to give you a sterile sample bottle for the next time you attend. If you haven't got one she has to catheterise you to drain your bladder for a sample and then takes the tube out. You then get the deep joy of another insertion for the actual irrigation. I suppose over time one could get used to it.......

[Marilyn]

The Barlick Fire Chief didn't deserve a wife! I would have made him sit in the snow, bare bummed.
(Had his Mother wiped his bottom previously? )

[Stanley]

Quite, but it illustrates that the problem was widespread even in Barlick!
On a related matter, see my posts about wet toilet seats. Some men aren't fit to use a lavatory!

[Cathy]

What year would the Barlick Fire Chief story be from Stanley? Talk about ' Up himself '!

[Stanley]

During the 1930s Cathy, I heard the same story from two independent witnesses. I was also told that the end house in Cooperative Street was where the fire chief lived later.
Which reminds me of a story Billy Brooks told me (he was about 100 years old at the time) It concerns a woman who was wife to a tackler. He asked her one day shortly after they married and moved into a new house if she was happy and whether there was anything she wanted for the house. She said a lavatory brush, all the neighbours had one hung on the door of the outside lavatory and they only cost 6d. He gave her the money and drove a nail in the door so she could compete. A short time afterwards she asked her husband how he was getting on with the new brush and he said not very well, he thought they would do better to go back to the paper......

[Stanley]

If the weather is particularly violent, do not stick blindly to routine, you are allowed to avoid a soaking"!
This is triggered by the gale and heavy rain we have at the moment. I am using my head and waiting for a lull before I take Jack out.

[Marilyn]

Does Jack understand this? ( my dog never did!)

[Stanley]

Yes, he was OK and when we did go out despite being blown over once he did everything expected of him and headed for home where he got a sausage and a good rub down. He is feeling no pain!

[Tizer]

I haven't been out for a walk for the last few days due to my back trouble and especially in the strong winds. It's bad enough trying to stand upright without being blown over by 50mph winds! When I had the original twinge a couple of weeks ago I took care. After a day passed my back seemed to be normal again so I had an hour's walk. After that it seized up and I'm only just loosening up now. So the tip is this, don't be over optimistic and instead give your aches and pains a little longer to recover. Better that than being laid up for a long time.

[Stanley]

Very wise Tiz and I have my share at the moment. However, I am pretty sure they are a consequence of the BCG treatment and I shall put up with them. I am managing without pain killers and leaving my socks on at night in bed! (Putting your socks on immediately after rising is a sure fire way to trigger a spasm!) So that's today's tip......
PS, apart from yesterday morning I am functioning as normal apart from standing in the shed.

[Marilyn]

We still walk every day, despite my back problems. I believe in the creed "never stop moving". I wait until I am not in the throws of acute severe pain, and I take my walking stick as security. Hubby has to put my Right sock and shoe on for me...I can do the Left one myself. ( he has to take them off for me too). I can't walk at normal speed - I am terribly slow. I can't handle uneven ground or slopes either. Most days I can do the full course, but sometimes we need to cut it short. I carry the stick the majority of the distance, but use it when necessary and I feel I am struggling.
It is important to keep moving. If you sit in a heap you will go rusty!

[Cathy]

Goodness Marilyn that reminds me of the day that you, Dave and I had gone for a walk and we were at the bottom of a track and you asked if I 'd like to walk up it and onto the cliff-top. You and Dave were starting to walk up the rocky track and you were saying that the views were lovely. Because of my back problems (worse then), I said No. Makes me shudder to think of it.

[Stanley]

Maz, I have always believed that walking is the best exercise, there is no shame in avoiding hills or rough ground and I walk at my own pace which is slower of late due to the side effects I am experiencing. As I say many a time, "I don't do brisk!"

[Marilyn]

I remember Cazza. Of course. I understand your situation more now!
We did our walk this arvo, after we had been around the markets this morning too.
But I am better off moving. I couldn't possibly sit all day.

[Stanley]

It will do you good Maz. Remember that an erect posture is a good defence against a spasm......

[Marilyn]

So is fresh air, and in our case, sunshine.
David isn't getting the best out of our walks just now, as I am a bit slow. But (hey!) that is the patience of love. I have tried to suggest he goes for a ride on his new electric bike too, but he says he is not going without me.

[Tizer]

Usually I would agree with you all that it's best to keep moving and walking and that's what I do. This time I'm finding it doesn't work like that. I had a short walk yesterday but it seems to have knocked me back again. In the house I don't sit down all the time, I keep getting up and toddling around and that doesn't cause problems. It's just going to take time and patience.