THAT'S A GOOD LINE!

[Stanley]

I don't know about other member's experiences but sometimes, in conversation, I hear a good line, something that gets you attention. Occasionally I do it myself! So I thought I'd fly a kite and see whether we can tap into this rich vein.

This is the sort of thing I am thinking about; I knew a man called Norman in Arisaig who was reputed to have been the youngest submarine commander of WW2. He was definitely officer class and I remember clearly during a particularly hairy trip in an old yacht across to the Isle of Eigg from Arisaig he casually dropped this line: "I remember when I was climbing at 23,000 feet in the Himalayas...." The thing was that I never questioned it, I believed him. A good line.....

[Stanley]

After a conversation with a man who was supposed to be an expert in his field, an American colleague said to me " Well, the lights were on but I don't think there was anyone at home".

[rossylass]

If anyone patted our dog which was a mongrel and looked a bit like a Jack Russell on stilts, my partner would say "Watch out it's a plain clothes police dog".

[Stanley]

That's the sort of example that's out there. Thanks for that Rossy! There must be hundreds of them.

[rossylass]

Thought of another one!

Chatting to an Austwick farmer who was feeding his sheep a magnesium supplemented feed, he said "I want them feet down not feet up".

[chinatyke]

Chatting to an old employee who lived a simple life on a smallholding at Tottington, I asked him what he thought about our new employee. He replied "Tha must winter n summer 'em"... That was all I got on the subject.

[Stanley]

Another one from my American friend when describing a bloke who wasn't the sharpest knife in the box. "Do you think he has both oars in the water?" Later, about the same bloke he said "His pilot light's gone out!"

[Stanley]

I once blotted my copy book with English Heritage and when telling the story I always started... "I was taking wine with Lord Montague in the crypt of Durham Cathedral...." Say what you like but that's a good line! I followed up by raising a matter in public that EH didn't want advertising. I can still see the faces of the great and the good as it dawned on them what I was about to do. No wonder some of them still aren't talking to me!

[Stanley]

David Moore in March 1983 (Then principal of Nelson and Colne College) "Her Majesty's Inspector decided to do a partial full inspection of the college".

[Stanley]

" The trouble with him is that he has a very well-lubricated scale of values" (SCG 1983)

[Stanley]

"The only thing we're entitled to is a cup of tea in the morning and one good bowel movement a day. The rest is a bonus." David Moore, 1983.

[Stanley]

The trouble with my kids is that they missed the best years of my life.

[Stanley]

My wife is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in bed.

[Marilyn]

Do hope Thomo isn't reading this ( please forgive me if you are, Thomo) but I saw a bumper sticker today that read...
" So many cats, so few recipes".
I was in a weird mood and it made me smile...

[Stanley]

I once gave a lady cat lover the book, '101 Things to do with a dead cat'. She is still talking to me.

During career advice on my course of further education a mentor said to me "Do you want to be a gypsy on the fringes of academe? There are too many rough diamonds about already" Never forgot it.

[Stanley]

David Moore was once described by his chair of governors, Katie Sumner Clough as "The most impotent and desirable principle in Lancashire". This was rapidly corrected by a colleague at the meeting to "Important and sought-after".

[Stanley]

David, the catering teacher on the course at Nelson and Colne College: "If it goes wrong in the kitchen, serve it flambéed, they'll never notice it!"

[Stanley]

The onward building at Nelson and Colne College was on fire. As the situation became clear I asked David Moore if there was anything I could do. "Go and get some fish and chips"
One of the lecturers was heard to say "Well, at least we've got rid of that squeaky blackboard in room 110".
Later David told the firemen "We'd better salvage those filing cabinets full of course notes otherwise a lot of these buggers will have to go back to road-sweeping."

[Big Kev]

Do hope Thomo isn't reading this ( please forgive me if you are, Thomo) but I saw a bumper sticker today that read...
" So many cats, so few recipes".
I was in a weird mood and it made me smile...

You'll be in trouble for that...

[Stanley]

During a conversation on life and career planning. "How many ten years have you got left?"

[Stanley]

A well balanced life is twenty years childhood, twenty years graft, twenty years doing what you want to do and twenty years retirement.

[Stanley]

"Retirement's al right once you have finished the decorating!" Jack Plett in 1973.

[Stanley]

A piece of advice I was given in 1982 when I got my first job managing a heritage project. "There are three things you're not paid to do. Worry, fall out with your colleagues and fiddle to get the job done." (David Moore)

[Stanley]

I was once given a subject for an essay by a tutor, 'Who won the Thirty Years War?' I asked "Who was playing?" The tutor said you've got it! You're half way there!"
Years later and after much reading I am still trying to sort it out!

[Stanley]

"Take what you want and pay for it". I was told this was inscribed over a gate in the Escorial in Spain. It came into my mind one sunny morning as I was setting off towards the Lake District in a new car, with top notch cameras and was going to photograph water mills and get paid for it! This bothered me until I reflected that perhaps, during thirty years hard physical work and long hours I had perhaps already paid my entrance fee!